Yesterday I had a one of those days where the effects of having BPD led me to crash. I overslept and missed my appointment and was too exhausted to go into the office or get anything productive done.
I wish I didn't get so easily tired, but when you are constantly fighting negative thoughts about yourself and about food/weight...and when you're filled with anxiety about how much stuff you need to get done...it's hard to keep energy levels up for long.
Doing every day tasks and being around people a lot adds to the exhaustion - but I am a sociable people and my friends and family are so important to me and I love to see them, so they are so so worth getting tired for.
However, I do need to learn to say 'no' where appropriate. And I managed to yesterday - I cancelled going into the office because I had totally crashed. I felt really guilty for doing so, but I didn't want a repeat of last year, where I crashed so badly I ended up in hospital for 4 months.
This recovery malarkey is tough. It's tiring trying to work out your boundaries and trying to stick to them, without letting the guilt of letting people down or the feeling of failure eat you up inside...especially when people don't understand the exhaustion and just think you're being lazy. I'd rather have been in Wonderland, but having a PJ day with my cats and a blanket on the sofa at home certainly helped!
Rather than seeing yesterday as I write-off, I tried to forgive myself for missing my appointment, I didn't weigh myself and I actually took time to rest at home. I managed to get out of bed and eat. It's important to praise yourself for the little things, because on days like these, they are big things!
Today I feel a little more refreshed, but made the decision worked from home to help recharge my batteries a bit more. Hopefully tomorrow I will be raring to go again!
Taking care of your mental health is just as important as taking care of your physical health! You would rest if you had a stomach bug or a broken leg, yet there is somehow still unwarranted stigma about taking time out when you are mentally unwell. But it really is codswallop, and the more people can accept that, the better!
As hard as it can be to fight the pressure to keep going, don't forget to take time to rest when you need to. Your mental health is important, and most of all so are YOU!