Jeske Balmakers
When I was young I used to draw. Especially when I was upset or lonely. It gave me a way to cope. To escape into a world that was better than the real world. Drawing still does this for me now, all these years later. It helps me to regulate my emotions and sometimes it gives me a much needed escape.
Sometimes, I am so afraid. And when I am in the deep end, what I fear the most are my own emotions.
I want to fall asleep and never wake up again. Just so the pain can stop. Sometimes that's how life can feel. I am lucky enough to be able to say that this too can change. That you CAN feel ready to wake up and look forward to the day ahead.
When I was young I used to draw. Especially when I was upset or lonely. It gave me a way to cope. To escape into a world that was better than the real world. Drawing still does this for me now, all these years later. It helps me to regulate my emotions and sometimes it gives me a much needed escape.
My name is Jeske. I lived in the UK for about ten years, until I returned to the Netherlands in early 2020. During my final year in London, I began to suffer from severe mental problems, ultimately leading to a Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis. I have been in treatment since then.
After a long and difficult period, the end of my treatment program is now in sight. I have about six months to go, and the number of sessions is gradually being reduced. Which means things are going well. I feel like I am finally getting a grip on my life again.
I have always been creative, and worked as a creative until I became ill. Then my creative output came to a complete stop. I simply couldn't. It was too much for me.
During my treatment, I suffered difficulties in opening up; I just wasn't able to express myself. This is what in the end led me to pick up my brushes again. That was how I found out that when I cannot find the words, I can talk through my illustrations. What it did for me has been unexpected. It helped me to talk, explain myself, and make actual progress in therapy.
Now I want to share my work with the world. To tell my story of living with BPD. Through images.
To see more of Jeske's incredible artwork and crafts, head to:
Instagram: @byjeske
Facebook: ByJeske