When Things Don’t Go To Plan
2016 seems to have been an odd sort of year for a lot of people! It certainly has for me. It’s been frustrating to experience the Borderline Personality Disorder take away so much from me – even more so than normal. I’ve had to cancel Borderline Arts events and activities, I’ve missed social events and been stuck in a psychiatric hospital against my will. My mood was horrendous, my physical health deteriorated severely, and I have seen my family and friends literally become ill with worry that I might not even survive. Yet I still felt trapped and unable to change my behaviour. It sounds dramatic, but it’s just the factual reality of how evil Borderline Personality Disorder can be.
Did going into hospital help me feel better? Nope – not really, but it kept me alive. Am I all better now? Nope – but I am fighting for my health now! So what HAS changed? I have found a glimpse of hope. To be honest, I’m not sure how I found it or where it came from, but I’m clinging to it like my life depends on it – which essentially it does! If I have an epiphany about finding that spark of hope, I’ll let you know!
But for now, I’m getting back into ‘life’ again! I’m learning sign language, seeing friends and family, accessing more support in the community, being more honest with family and friends about how I am, trying to let myself rest and physically recover and make sure I am realistic about how much I take on with Borderline Arts.
What does that mean for Borderline Arts? We are slowly going to be getting back into action, initially taking things one event at a time. Our next event planned being a ‘Safe Space’ workshop in conjunction with Derby Quad on 6th December, which you can read more about here. The Borderline Arts Team are meeting before Christmas to discuss more about what’s next – so we will give you an update following that meeting!
So despite this year not really going to plan, things ARE looking up and we are excited about where 2017 will lead! Watch this space!